I haven't updated since January, and before that it was June of last year. Whoops.
There has actually been a lot of stuff going on in my personal life, just not anything that's interesting to blog about. But the school year is over, which means I have a little bit more free time, so I figured I would do my "I am alive" update to catch up with you guys.
Well, working two jobs was exhausting and time consuming. Basically, any time I had a day off or a moment to myself, I just wanted to tune out. Played a lot of video games, watched a lot of movies. Not much drawing or painting, because that requires energy which I just didn't have. I wanted to, but there's just not much going on in my brain lately on the artistic front.
I have started treatment for minor depression and major anxiety, I'm on about the fifth month of medication. The treatment is going great, I feel like I have a lot more energy and I feel generally better about myself and my life. I have suspected for many years that I probably had depression, but I was too embarrassed to talk about it or share my thoughts with my friends or family. After a really horrible panic attack last year though, I couldn't deny it any longer. Now I'm wondering why I ever did.
I worry from time to time that the medication is changing my artistic abilities. I have heard from friends who have been on antidepressants that the treatment sometimes alters inspiration or artistic motivation. It is still too early to tell if that has happened to me, but I know this: I love drawing, and I love painting. I have a hard time balancing it with everything else in my life, but I do love it. And I want to do more of it, even if it means having to force myself to try.
That being said, ideas are hard to come by.
I'd like to try to do this, but I'm at a loss as to what to draw with the various pallets. So I'm open to suggestions! Send me a character or an idea with the pallet number, and I'll see what comes out of it. Feel free to ask for whatever, art is art at this point I'm just excited to be painting again.
Getting back into comic books, which I haven't been much of a follower of since I worked at Borders. It's fun, I'm excited to be reading again. Really excited about Saga and Ms. Marvel! They have been such a joy to read. Started the new Bee and Puppycat series as well, and it is delightful, I love every panel to pieces. It's nice to have so many series going right now with awesome and funny female characters and writers and artists. Really inspiring!
I played the entire Mass Effect Trilogy for the first time last month. Wow. Have not been this emotionally destroyed by a game in awhile. I have had a very complex history with video games crawling into my heart during times of stress or anxiety and filling me up so completely that there hasn't been room for anything else. This has been one of those experiences. In the past, I felt guilty about getting so invested so deeply in games because it felt like I was trying to escape from real life. This time, I felt different. I was
trying to escape, and that was okay. I got totally and completely lost in it, and for a month or so, I was Commander Shepherd. It felt good. It felt freeing. It's been a long time since I felt that devoted to something. And I actually learned a lot about myself as a person through the game, which sounds weird but it's totally true. It's nice to have something affect me like that again. It's been a long time.
Doing a lot of personal knitting lately for therapy, but haven't been able to take many pictures because the weather has been really odd here. Some day's it is just insanely hot and there is no way I am putting a scarf on, no matter how cute it is (and it is cute), and other days it's weird and overcast and I can't get any good pictures and I have to sit and edit them for hours and they look like crap. So whatever. Waiting for a good day to take pictures!
I hope you guys have been doing well. I always enjoy seeing all the art and journals in my inbox. I really need to make more of a conscious effort to comment on stuff, but we'll fight one battle at a time I guess. For now, features!